Absinthe & Cookies (a bit bitter, a bit sweet)

Helping Out A Friend

Jay's been having weaponized banana problems at his place. Because I'm a pal, I pass this on in an effort to aid him in his struggle:

.... Sgt.: We haven't done them, have we? Right. Bananas. How to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. Now you, come at me with this banana. Catch! Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. First of all you force him to drop the banana; then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him 'elpless.

Palin: Suppose he's got a bunch.

Sgt.: Shut up.

Idle: Suppose he's got a pointed stick.

Sgt.: Shut up. Right now you, Mr Apricot.

Chapman: 'Arrison.

Sgt.: Sorry, Mr. 'Arrison. Come at me with that banana. Hold it like that,
that's it. Now attack me with it. Come on! Come on! Come at me!
Come at me then! (Shoots him.)

Chapman: Aaagh! (dies.)

Sgt.: Now, I eat the banana. (Does so.)

Palin: You shot him!

Jones: He's dead!

Idle: He's completely dead!

Sgt.: I have now eaten the banana. The deceased, Mr Apricot, is now 'elpless.

Palin: You shot him. You shot him dead.

Sgt.: Well, he was attacking me with a banana.

Jones: But you told him to.

Sgt.: Look, I'm only doing me job. I have to show you how to defend
yourselves against fresh fruit.

Idle: And pointed sticks.

Sgt.: Shut up.

Palin: Suppose I'm attacked by a man with a banana and I haven't got a gun?

Sgt.: Run for it.

The entire sketch can be found here.

Posted by Ithildin at June 24, 2005 11:58 AM | PROCURE FINE OLD WORLD ABSINTHE