August 2, 2004

Shhhh! It's A Secret!

So John Kerry has a plan for Iraq. But don't hold your breath wondering what it is, because it's a secret.

.... Kerry accused President Bush of misleading the country before the war in Iraq, burning bridges with U.S. allies and having no plan to win peace. But when questioned about saying Thursday in his acceptance speech, "I know what we have to do in Iraq," he would not tip his hand.

"I've been involved in this for a long time, longer than George Bush," he said. "I've spent 20 years negotiating, working, fighting for different kinds of treaties and different relationships around the world. I know that as president there's huge leverage that will be available to me, enormous cards to play, and I'm not going to play them in public. I'm not going to play them before I'm president."

Reminded that he sounded like Richard M. Nixon, who campaigned in 1968 by saying he had a secret plan to end the war in Vietnam, Kerry responded: "I don't care what it sounds like. The fact is that I'm not going to negotiate in public today without the presidency, without the power."

Maybe if I joined the John Kerry Fan Club, I could get a secret decoder ring! I wonder what else would come with my membership kit? Rules for the "Purple Heart Toss" game perhaps, maybe a coupon good for a bowl of chili at Wendy's, a copy of "A Guide To Marrying Rich for The Modern Man", and I'm sure there would be a special for members only pamphlet on how to "Have It Both Ways Without Really Trying" too.

What else should be in the membership packet?

Posted by Ithildin at August 2, 2004 11:51 AM | PROCURE FINE OLD WORLD ABSINTHE

Waffles. Lots and lots of waffles. With ketchup. (Ewwwww.)

Posted by: Dave J at August 2, 2004 1:48 PM
"A Guide To Marrying Rich for The Modern Man"

Where can I get a copy of this tome?

Posted by: Russ at August 2, 2004 1:54 PM

One of those nifty Oompa Loopa costumes!

Posted by: Emma at August 2, 2004 2:37 PM

Surely the free gift when you become a member is a waffle iron.

Posted by: Tina at August 2, 2004 7:21 PM