September 24, 2003
Goldberg Catch Up
Still finding stuff I missed while I was away. Here's Jonah Goldberg's column from Spet. 11, 2003.
..... As with all deranged people, the compassionate have two possible courses of action: They can try to help or, if that doesn't work, they can try to protect themselves through less-gentle means. Obviously, the best protection is to help the deranged get un-deranged. And that is what we are trying so desperately to do in Iraq. We are trying through example, persuasion, and all-too necessary toughness to show the Arab world that there is a better way than grinding poverty, violence, and corruption. I, like most Americans, truly want it to work. But if it doesn't, if the cup-of-coffee-and-the-sandwich approach doesn't work, America will still do what is necessary to protect itself. And that won't be the preferable option for anybody. Trust me.
Worth reading it all.
Posted by Ithildin at September 24, 2003 6:05 PM
| PROCURE FINE OLD WORLD ABSINTHE
The more serious half of the argument:
While I agree in principle, lately I wonder if the execution of said compassion by tough example is destained to fail when the "deranged" recipients often don't want either the compassion or the tough example. They just want you to go away so they can continue being deranged and blame you for their plight, which makes them happy. What's the solution if we are trying to fight a psychology of victimization? We could hand out a million dollars U.S., McDonald's gift certificates for a year, a brand new PT Cruiser (graciously donated by our now friendly-again euro buddies the Germans) and an X-Box to every family in Iraq and we would still be the great Satan to ninety percent of them. They would remain forever the victim, ready to spawn a new breed of angry victims ready to declare Jihad at the drop of a burkah.
The less serious half of the argument:
Compassion doesn't work. Violence doesn't work. Perhaps we should try apathy next: "Great Satan!" - I don't care. "Down with Bush!" - Not listening. "I have a nuclear weapon!" - Not real, not my problem.
Or perhaps flaming insults on international television: "Great Satan!" - I know you are but what am I? "Jihad on Israel!" - Your Mom's soooo fat that when she... "Evil America be damned to the pit!" Dude, is that a skin condition or have you just been in the blowing sand too long?
How about pretending we simply can't understand their language, make them really work to piss us off: "Great Satan!" - Oh..uh..compliment right..I get it..Thanks! you too! "Freedom for the opressed Palestinian people!" - So...you want a taco and two enchiladas then?
An itteration of this approach would be to feign deafness: "Great Satan!!!" - Huh? "We will run you through the streets with our swords in front of our children who will spit on you and pour baby milk factories on your head!!!" - Uh..that was that again? "The sins of your forefathers will blacken the ground as blood on the sands of evil men in space!!!" - Can't hear you. One more time? A little slower too...
Or maybe the best policy is to confuse them with fuzzy, almost psychotic logic. Say things so strange in response that the world believes we are no longer a threat because we must finally have lost it: "Great Satan!" - Yes my child, and now you must seek and find the secret mathematical secrets of Wiltshire blue cheese before the Palestinian home land will be returned to you. "Let the heel of Mullah Omar strike you!" - Yeah..Mullah..that's some pretty good chow, but that Caribbean jerk stuff always makes me feel a little, you know, loose in the nether regions if you get my meaning. "Allah Ackbar!!!!" - You like Stargate SG1 too? You know the Go'auld used to own us like a slave race too. Want to borrow the first season on VHS? I'll make PAL copies. "I hit you with my shoe!" No!!! Eight sixteen twenty forty two and the when eighteen four three there antidisestablishmentarianism five cannoli!!! Obey!!!
These are just ideas though.
Lordy! That's a comment and a half :)
The more serious half of the argument:
While I agree in principle, lately I wonder if the execution of said compassion by tough example is destained to fail when the "deranged" recipients often don't want either the compassion or the tough example. They just want you to go away so they can continue being deranged and blame you for their plight, which makes them happy. What's the solution if we are trying to fight a psychology of victimization? We could hand out a million dollars U.S., McDonald's gift certificates for a year, a brand new PT Cruiser (graciously donated by our now friendly-again euro buddies the Germans) and an X-Box to every family in Iraq and we would still be the great Satan to ninety percent of them. They would remain forever the victim, ready to spawn a new breed of angry victims ready to declare Jihad at the drop of a burkah.
The less serious half of the argument:
Compassion doesn't work. Violence doesn't work. Perhaps we should try apathy next: "Great Satan!" - I don't care. "Down with Bush!" - Not listening. "I have a nuclear weapon!" - Not real, not my problem.
Or perhaps flaming insults on international television: "Great Satan!" - I know you are but what am I? "Jihad on Israel!" - Your Mom's soooo fat that when she... "Evil America be damned to the pit!" Dude, is that a skin condition or have you just been in the blowing sand too long?
How about pretending we simply can't understand their language, make them really work to piss us off: "Great Satan!" - Oh..uh..compliment right..I get it..Thanks! you too! "Freedom for the opressed Palestinian people!" - So...you want a taco and two enchiladas then?
An itteration of this approach would be to feign deafness: "Great Satan!!!" - Huh? "We will run you through the streets with our swords in front of our children who will spit on you and pour baby milk factories on your head!!!" - Uh..that was that again? "The sins of your forefathers will blacken the ground as blood on the sands of evil men in space!!!" - Can't hear you. One more time? A little slower too...
Or maybe the best policy is to confuse them with fuzzy, almost psychotic logic. Say things so strange in response that the world believes we are no longer a threat because we must finally have lost it: "Great Satan!" - Yes my child, and now you must seek and find the secret mathematical secrets of Wiltshire blue cheese before the Palestinian home land will be returned to you. "Let the heel of Mullah Omar strike you!" - Yeah..Mullah..that's some pretty good chow, but that Caribbean jerk stuff always makes me feel a little, you know, loose in the nether regions if you get my meaning. "Allah Ackbar!!!!" - You like Stargate SG1 too? You know the Go'auld used to own us like a slave race too. Want to borrow the first season on VHS? I'll make PAL copies. "I hit you with my shoe!" No!!! Eight sixteen twenty forty two and the when eighteen four three there antidisestablishmentarianism five cannoli!!! Obey!!!
These are just ideas though.
Posted by: Mood Vertigo at September 24, 2003 9:25 PM